Lord, Thou Hast the Words

Agony over not having a feeling of God's presence, so many temptations to lay down arms, to turn away from Christ. I cannot do it. He has the words of eternal life. He is the Joy that is evermore at the right hand of God. I love Him - how can I leave Him? And yet, as I say that, there are a thousand voices ready to tempt me to do just that. My wicked heart would deify every blessing that God gives me, loving the blessings and not the Blesser. How easy that is to see, illustrated by my own Christmas experiences as a child. The givers, my parents or brothers and sisters, were only my channels to getting what I wanted. Sure, I would thank them, if reminded that I needed to do so, but I was not truly thankful to them, or for them. I loved the toys, but not the people who gave them to me. And now, how easy it is to love the pleasures of life without loving the One who gives the pleasures as well as the capacity for enjoying them. How easy it is to say that it is this or that situation that will give me true joy, when even the joy of the most desirable situation would not be there if God did not add it into the mix. Food would taste like cardboard if God did not give it the flavor and me the taste buds to enjoy it. And not only as a process, but every time. He is in everything, making it work the way it is supposed to every time, or it wouldn't. There are no natural processes, truly. God is a God of order, and He continues to bless things to work the way that they always have, but still, it is His hand in it each time it occurs that makes it happen the way it has always happened, and we have the illusion of processes and cause and effect. But nothing can keep going unless He keeps it going. And He is keeping everything going, every moment of every day - there is not one thing that works by itself, or even by processes that He has set up and left to run on their own. There can be no such thing, for if God leaves anything to itself, it would cease to exist immediately. It did not exist before He made it, and it shall not continue without being upheld constantly by the word of His power.

So, anything that I look to for a pleasure that it has given in the past is not able to give me that pleasure unless God wills that it be so, each time I engage in the thing. If I enjoy a particular song, and am thrilled with the music and the lyrics, I cannot look to that song as the ultimate giver of the pleasure, but to God who has given me the pleasure through that song. There are pleasures in reading the Bible, but a Scripture that brought me joy and comfort at one time might not do so at another, because I am seeking the experience, rather than God Himself. So, I could even make an idol out of the Word of God. And I do.

And there are other voices that draw me away in doubt and fear, that make me question the reality of it all - whether any of it is true. I must cling to Christ, for He is the only One in whom I have found peace and true joy. All else has failed me, and continues to fail. So, I hear Him say to me again "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."